I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
Gays: "I like men."
Straight: "I like women."
Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."
Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.
Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.
I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.
You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
