Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
Is Google a male or female?
Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
Even if there were no gravity, I would still fall for you...
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
How do you get 1 million followers:
{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfi.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost 2 towers.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.