Worst Jokes Ever
A depressed kid went to go high five a tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The dwarf who couldn’t reach the doorbell.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.