Worst Jokes Ever
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
What game do zombies like to play?
Corpse and Robbers.