Worst Jokes Ever

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.

Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."

Students: "oof"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Yeah, your parents."

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Osama Bin Laden is his name.

Crashing planes is his game.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?

They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.

What is an orphan's family reunion called?

Me time.

If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?

None, because they all cry in the dark.