Worst Jokes Ever
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
What pizza did the Twin Towers order?
A plain one.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."
Students: "oof"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Yeah, your parents."
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.