Worst Jokes Ever
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
What is an orphan's family reunion called?
Me time.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.