Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
Do you think midgets start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"