Worst Jokes Ever
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
What is an orphan's family reunion called?
Me time.
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?
She had small tits.