Worst Jokes Ever
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Whatβs the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
Why is the leaning tower of pizza leaning? 'Cuz it had better reflexes than the twin towers.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
Whatβs an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.