Worst Jokes Ever
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
A depressed kid went to go high five a tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The dwarf who couldn’t reach the doorbell.
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.