Worst Jokes Ever
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
What game do zombies like to play?
Corpse and Robbers.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!