Worst Jokes Ever
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
There are different types of Pokémon.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
What is an orphan's family reunion called?
Me time.
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.