Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
Worst Jokes Ever
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
There are different types of Pokémon.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
Yo mama so fat, she don't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.
Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."
