Worst Jokes Ever
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.
Everything I fall in love with leaves me. Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks!
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️
What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.
Orphan: They're dead.
Me: A promise made is a promise kept.
What’s another name for cumming inside a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Why do orphans play Sims?
Because they can make themselves a family.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.