Worst Jokes Ever
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Your mama is so fat, One Punch Man had to punch twice.
Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The dwarf who couldn’t reach the doorbell.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."