Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
A depressed kid went to go high five a tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Osama Bin Laden is his name.
Crashing planes is his game.
"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."