Worst Jokes Ever

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

The orphan had to earn money because he/she didn't have parents to give him/her an allowance.

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

Your life. That's all.

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

Is your oven running?

Then you better go catch it!

Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?

To get to Birds Eye.

Deeeeeertt.

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.

Q: Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

A: Everywhere!

I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

I think someone must've poached it.

Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.

Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in your man's pussy.

Welcome to codi's pizzeria and abortion clinic; your loss is our sauce!

I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.

I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.

Bro wtf is all this!?

Like fr tho none of this be funny... messed up af to joke abt sum shii that ppl go thru.