Worst Jokes Ever

I took a sip of water.

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

Why do orphans play GTA?

So they can get wanted.

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because then they can play catch.

Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?

Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

Why can't orphans sign up for sports?

They have to have a parent's signature.

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

Why can't orphans go to field trips?

Parent Signature_________________

What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.

Who's the smallest wife??

Micro-wife.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

What do you call a train that stalls?

The little engine that couldn't!

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

What goes up but never comes down?

Water in Australia.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

More than five because my basement is still dark.