Worst Jokes Ever
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They’re draining the economy doooown!
They’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jack’s seed.
They’ve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
They’re spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
They’ve banked off buying boooze!
They’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kids’re in the business tooo!
They’re draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
What did the rapper say to the computer?
“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
Are you bisexual...
Or are you hellosexual?
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.
You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?
Ugh, I hate anons, they're so anonnoying.