Worst Jokes Ever
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?
Alexander the Grape.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?
The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.
ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
What is Donald Trump's favorite game?
Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.
What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.
I finally know why my brain doesn't work!
On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.
What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?
She had small tits.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.