What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Worst Jokes Ever
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
Your mama is so fat, One Punch Man had to punch twice.
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
Your hairline goes so far back my history teacher was surprised.
Buy KFC or else.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
Why do orphans hate hide n seek?
'Cause they can't find their parents.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
A depressed kid went to go high five a tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."
Students: "oof"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Yeah, your parents."
