Worst Jokes Ever
You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.
What does my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Kobe jokes just don’t land well anymore.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
A man walks into a bar.
Then he walks into a Pole.
Then the Pole says, "I surrender, Heil Hitler!"
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.
I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.
Because Jill's real name was Randy.
What's the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.
Why did the girls sit on the clock?
To be on time.
What’s the difference between a chromosome and a hormone?
You can hear a hormone.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.
Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?
A: Rainbow Six Siege.
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.