Worst Jokes Ever
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 120 pounds. ;D
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
What does a nosey pepper do?
It gets jalapeño business!
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
Chimichanga.
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
Why did LankyboxGamesJustin go to the aquarium?
Because he's gonna dance with aquayyyyrium!
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
Me: Hey, are your parents here?
Orphan: (crying) STOP CALLING HERE!
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
Why can't orphans play rounders?
Because they don't know where home is.
What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.