Worst Jokes Ever
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
Spare.
You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.
Why do orphans make terrible baseball players?
They don't know where home plate is.
"Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way."
"Dr. Squatch will heal the itch, and know it goes away, hey!"
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?
When they're on their backs, they're screwed.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.
I hate this website, lol.
I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
How do you talk to giants? Using big words.
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.