You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."
Worst Jokes Ever
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?
Because a black person was approaching.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Q: What's the difference between Danielle Smith and a flying piece of shit? A: One letter.
Q: What did the AISH worker do on her lunch break? A: Five Guys.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.
If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.
What did the rapper say to the SANDWICH?
"Wrap it up!"
If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!
Why don't rappers ever play hide-and-seek?
Because good luck hiding when your name's always dropping!
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To drop some STREET KNOWLEDGE on the other side.
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to drop some FRESH SEEDS.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Yo, Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY!
Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?
Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."