Worst Jokes Ever
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wa sa Bee.
I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.
It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
Why was Balls afraid of Magic?
Because Magic eight Balls.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?
"Okay, Boomer."
Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.