Worst Jokes Ever

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:

"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"

Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"

Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."

Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."

Time flies by, doesn’t it?

But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.

How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.

What’s a lesbian’s favorite sport? Dodge balls.

Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the side that he was not on.

Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.

Are you a toaster?

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

Did you know Kurt had dandruff?

Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.

What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?

Leaving, walking.

Why is arson so fun?

IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!

HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE

Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)