Tonight Jokes

I raped a girl and I liked it I hope my girlfriend won't mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right Don't mean I'm in love tonight

I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.

U twin towers because I'm tryna ram in u tonight

There is gonna be a huge party at the orphanage tonight coz the parants ain't home

Husband:can we try anal tonight Wife: fuck that shit Husband:that's the spirit

Friend: You ok man?

Me: Yea.. I'll just leave myself "hangin" tonight...

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Orange 🍊.

Orange who?

Orange you going to the movies tonight?

I hope both the sides of your pillow are warm tonight

Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think "I hope you get laid tonight." By a tweaker with AIDS.

Kids uncle " your mum said you can have your friends round tonight ! But imma have to baby sit today" . Kid "OK THANK YOU". (AT BED TIME ) Kid " Please may u stop touching my leg BEN!" Ben "im not " (turns light on ) Kid " UCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME !!!"

Son: What's for dinner tonight? Mon: Steak! Son: Mom you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me? Mim: HUNGER!

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

Hi how are you busy busy today and tomorrow I have to go home from home and walk home walk and a bike walk walk and a bike to school tomorrow night I have to have lunch with my mom and dad and I have dinner with you tonight

Guess how I'm getting laid tonight? " I'm stronger than you".

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it a genie came out and said "You have 10 seconds to have one wish". Little Johny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink she says, "We should have this every night!". Little Johny gets two cups every night one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives on himself and his sister asks, "Wheres my cup?". little Johny replied, "Your drinking out of the bottle tonight".

[concert] SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight CROWD: woo ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: You're doing standup tonight right?* Noob Joker (you): *Yes I am!* Owner: Get onto the stage Me: *walks up stage* Owner: this is the standup comedian noobpro Me: HEY GUYS HOW ABOUT SOME DONALD TRUMP Crowd: *RUNS*