Told jokes

My dad told me I'm a failure.

I failed a math test.

Good thing there's a pole outside my house.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.

So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."

Why am I so successful?

When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.

Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?

Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.