Told Jokes

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews."

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend so I fuck her, turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about. And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her but this time it was her Identical triplet. There 3 of them.... AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A polise officer said," Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said," I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said," I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses, she missed very much.

She told her "Hey, long time no see."

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink ... when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. (If I explain it, it won't make be funny this is a old joke my friend told me)

If Jesus told you to trust everyone that must be why there is a lot of kidnappings

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors, she didn ́t listen...

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed. I guess it was a bad delivery

I told a chemist a joke.

No reaction.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school

So I had him bring my wife

A dad told his son never to hit girls so the sun repeid i promis. When the sun got older he was doing the dirty with "a girl " and the girl sais spank me daddy.... and the sons repsonds my dad said never to hit a girl. and the "girl" takes of the wig and its his dad and the dad said good job son!.. Son:...... um

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said "how sick?". I said "well I'm in bed with my 12 year old sister".

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the latter?"

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house. Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job . My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I;m good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.