Told jokes

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."

I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."

The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.

Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.

A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"

An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."

You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.

Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!

My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.

We never met again.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

In the realm of pixels and screens, Josh pursues videos, a world unseen. Six dollars exchange, a transaction made, A story told, emotions cascade.

The power of film, a gift divine, Stirring souls, weaving through time. Six dollars spent, a connection formed, A simple act, a heart transformed.

In every frame, a universe unfolds, Captivating minds, stories untold. Josh buys videos for six, a token small, Yet within them lies magic, captivating all.

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...

...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”