I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution but, when I got there they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you Penaldo!
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, 'I dont know what a potato clock is' The man said, 'me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock
today I told my Sis knock knock and she said who’s there and I said I Eat eat my mop and she said I eat mop poo instead of who
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the libraryin told him to be quit? Pulled out a silencer.
I told an orphan two never stop talking until their parents come home
Now I can’t get it to shut up
2 boys were at a lake and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady, one ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran, the boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, I ran away because I felt something get hard"
So i told the officer
I cant even walk when Im sober
I got in trouble at school today because i told the teacher at school with covid to stay postive
My wife told me to treat her like a princess so i got drunk and drove through the tunnel
An orphin usees a family bathroom and when he comes out he gets told this is a family bathroom
Why am I so successful,?
When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option..
I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score so I told him to stand up to the anthem
My friend said they were going to make a come back I told them to do it at the back of the throat
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you. She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage
My wife told me I could never ever build a car out of spaghetti , you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive. I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked "How is that supposed to work?". I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
my mom told me to make my dad smile and she will give me $100, so i said ''the cowboys are gonna win the superbowl'' he smiled but my mom didn't give it to me, anyways i forgot about my package coming and the mailman came and i said ''i like your hat teal looks nice on you'' and he smiled and my mom gave me $100.
