Told jokes

I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.

Orphan: "What family?"

If I told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!

I'd be a liar.

What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?

"I don't get it."

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

I told my sister a Dairy joke.

She said it was cheesy.

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.

The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.