Time jokes
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."
What age is served for breakfast?
A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.
Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.
Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...
On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.