Time jokes
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
Five more days.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."
Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
"It's Sunday evening!"
"No. It's Monday eve."
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.
Your hairline is so far back that even my dad wasn't fetching the milk back then.