Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
Who is the oldest Dave?
Daveon.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
WJE officially a gone memory.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
What's an emo's favorite time of year?
Fall.
