Time jokes

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.

Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"

Your mom's so fat, the photo from last Christmas is still printing!

I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.

Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?

A: A few weeks.

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?

IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!

Morbius is definitely one of the movies ever made. One of the movies of all time.

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”

The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”

“Hot water?”

“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”

What is the fastest thing in the world?

James Charles when he sees little boys.

I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.

There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Best way to kiss someone is to lick inside their mouth with your tongue a lot of times, and they will really like it, especially me!! - lizard kiss+ french kiss= SloBbY Kiss.

Thanks for learning and getting advice.

Also, don't be such a horny one!

Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?

What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.