Time jokes

Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!

P.S., it's Jake.

Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?

They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"

Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?

Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!

Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?

Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?

Bianca: It's Bianca!

Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked in the room, we missed three seasons of our show!

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

Bring out your weapons, people.

It's bullying time.

Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Why do dads take time to get?

Milk?

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.