Time jokes

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?

A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.

We spend the weekend getting the poop out!

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.

People say that life is short.

I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.

Have you seen the Justin meme?

Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?

Just-in time for deez nuts.

Bruh.

But actually, it's a parody.

Wait, actually?

Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).

I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.

Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?

He can't choose between black or white.

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?

Her abortion.

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.

I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.