Time jokes
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked in the room, we missed three seasons of our show!
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
Bring out your weapons, people.
It's bullying time.
Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.
Memes
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
Why do dads take time to get?
Milk?
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it.
I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."