Time jokes
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.
Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
What’s 23 times 2?
A potato.
What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Hope everyone is having a good day! ❤️
Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?
Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!
Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?
Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?
Bianca: It's Bianca!
Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked in the room, we missed three seasons of our show!
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.