Time jokes

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.

One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"

Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.

Every time a midget runs on the grass, the grass tickles their balls.

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Why do dads take time to get?

Milk?

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Your hairline goes so far back even history can’t record it.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.

Bring out your weapons, people.

It's bullying time.

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.