Time jokes
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
My grandad and your hairline go way back.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
Who is the oldest Dave?
Daveon.
Eons it takes to Daveon the haters.
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
childhood skipped @iissoo.00 fr😵💫
Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?
Because they don't have father's and mother's days.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."