What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
Time Jokes
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Happy New Year! ππππ
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
"Like if u cry everytime."
Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesnβt last long for people.
What do you call a night person? A night owl π¦ who is up all night, lol!
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
