I was walking in the forrest with my gf I had a desert eagle for protection A bear jumped out of the bushes one shot was enough to put my gf down and it gave me enough time to run away
a man died and went to heaven. here he met jesus. there were two clocks, the man asked whats with the clocks?. jesus answered this is mother theresa's clock she has not lied so the clock hasnt moved, this is abraham lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice so its moved twice. where's donald trumps the man asked. jesus replied: its in my office im using it as a ceiling fan.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!" "No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
Last time I got a piece of ass was hen my finger went through the toilet paper.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of time.
Bf: Well it's either yes or no.
Gf: ...
Bf: Well when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
Chuck Norris lit a campfire and humans saw the sun for the first time.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
You know every time we think of sex an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, 'I dont know what a potato clock is' The man said, 'me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock
I once made a belt out of clocks. It was a waist of time.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
if you play minecraft: your dog is still waiting for you in the world you made along time ago.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’ I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I asked my friend how long i can be in sky he sayed if u are emo then forever
A friend called me a while back say "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing". I reply saying " Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes".
