Time jokes
Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
Hi 👋 I love 💗 you walk in and out the door 🚪 night. I did not have time today. I was just a little bit and I had to walk home from home after dinner. I
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?
When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.
Your mama is so fat, I had to look twice to get a first impression.
What is an orphan's favorite period? Homeroom.
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."
The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"