Time jokes
It's hard to predict the future,
especially before it happens.
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."
"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."
Memes
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
What is the best time to eat dinner?
When you're hungry.
To make tea, road, road, road, road.
Case.
The space of space, Der der.
The chosen week was chosen.
Object.
Der mezzer lakes.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.