Time jokes
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
Hey, I met you like way way back, just like your hairline.
Hairline so big people had to time travel to find the end of it.
What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?
"Long time no see!"
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.
The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
2 7 73 53.
I'll give you time, figure it out.
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
Your forehead is so big it takes 3-4 business days.
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
What's the worst time to fly a plane?