Time jokes
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
What time is it when you have a toothache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty).
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.
Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."
Kid: 😭
Good Morning, Everyone! Have an amazing day!
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
Why did the clock go out to the gazebo? To spend some time out.
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Time for a random Terraria joke.
Q: Why did the guide die at his house?
A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.
(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!
Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!
That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
When is the last time you picked up the phone?
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.