Time jokes

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!

Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?

He’s just Biden his time.

Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?

Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

Because it was all about the TIMING.

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?

A: I find your lack of face disturbing.

Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.

Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣

Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.

Hitler says, “Yes.”

Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”

Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.