Time jokes

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"

Which flies cannot be seen?

Time flies.

What time is it when you have a toothache?

2:30 (Tooth hurty).

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! 🤣🤣🤣

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

What’s red and white and black all over?

A dead white man at night time!

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Kiwi: she's here!!

2022

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Why did the clock go out to the gazebo? To spend some time out.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

Good Morning, Everyone! Have an amazing day!