Time jokes
I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."
"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! π
Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."
It's hard to predict the future,
especially before it happens.
Memes
screw global warming
Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Man from 2001 just called. They want a tower back.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Your hairline is so bad, it goes back in time!
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thingβs still printing.
Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had mad flow!
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
WJE officially a gone memory.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
Heβs just Biden his time.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.