Time jokes

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!

How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?

One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

Time for a random Terraria joke.

Q: Why did the guide die at his house?

A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.

(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!

Which flies cannot be seen?

Time flies.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Two Timetravers walk into a bar...

...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."

I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."

Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.

Hi 👋 I love 💗 you walk in and out the door 🚪 night. I did not have time today. I was just a little bit and I had to walk home from home after dinner. I

I did have a good [time].

Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.

What time is it when you can walk home from school today and walk?

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

Say Fentanyl 3 times in the mirror and you'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.

What goes up but never comes down?