Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
Time Jokes
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
2 7 73 53.
I'll give you time, figure it out.
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
Your forehead is so big it takes 3-4 business days.
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
What's the worst time to fly a plane?
Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
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The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
If I had two nickels every time PETA parodied a game, I'd have 14.
You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
