Thought jokes

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.

The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.

Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."

Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

People generalize others too much.

A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

I thought you played football 'cause you're hairline is receiving.