I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.
My name is Devonair.
When I get a haircut, it's always bald.
Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."
My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*
I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.
One reason I like to tell riddles is because they help with critical thinking skills.
I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.
I thought a few hits would cheer him up!
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
Yo momma so dumb that she thought Auradon was in "Varian And The Seven Kingdoms."
Yo mama so dumb, she thought TikTok was an alarm setup.
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.
People thought they were going to another country till they saw terrorists were flying the plane.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his mother.
People generalize others too much.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."
Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.
