Thought jokes

Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.

I always wonder what girls are thinking about. Maybe balls.

Your momma is so ugly, the director thought she was a real zombie.

Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

New Windex ad:

You should get Windex for that dirty mind!

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

One reason I like to tell riddles is because they help with critical thinking skills.

I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

Yo momma so dumb that she thought Auradon was in "Varian And The Seven Kingdoms."

Yo mama so dumb, she thought TikTok was an alarm setup.

Why do men get great ideas in bed?

'Cause they are plugged into a genius!

The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.

Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.