Thought jokes

What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"

He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

You've realized I exist? Huh, cool.

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

Hi 👋 I have some good idea 💡. What was the best game I’ve [played]?

I thought of telling my teachers that I am transgender so I get to wear my AirPods in class.

Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.

One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.

"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."

I entered Kian's house. At the top of the stair, I was greeted by my greatest fantasy, JOHN. He said in a manly tone, "Hello there." I walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back. As I walked past his room, I felt uneasy. I walked into Kian's room to find no one. I turned around and gasped. John is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer. He pushed me onto Kian's bed. The bed was that bad it broke as I fell onto it. John says, "A broken bed is nothing to worry about." I look up at him in disbelief, he's more masculine than I thought. He thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch. He then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point I knew it was too late John, the fart he ripped (sticky to the touch) had me so in shock I wasn't ready for what was next, he picked and jumped on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadly, sticky to the touch fart I'd ever seen, it knocked me out. I awoke to find I was in the WALLS. I looked out to find I was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, I fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, I heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" I then knew I was in for some Kian treats.

The end

What was one cool thing about Hitler?

He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

Joe mama's so hairy when she went to the movie theater, the people thought she was Chewbacca!

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.

The orphan: But why?

Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.

Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.