Thought jokes

I always wonder what girls are thinking about. Maybe balls.

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

Dad: Alive.

Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).

Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.

Mother: Alive...

Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

People generalize others too much.

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.

Danny's Chromebook, Charger in his eager hands, Power for his world.

Fingers click and type, Words flow with electric grace, Thoughts come to life.

Screen illuminates, Imagination takes flight, Limitless pages.

Infinite knowledge, Unleashed through digital realms, Chromebook charger's might.

Danny's trusted friend, Always ready to connect, Bound by cord and fate.

Together they thrive, Exploring vast horizons, Endless possibilities.

Danny with his Chromebook charger, A duo, unstoppable, Unleashing their dreams.

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

Your mom is so fat that she thought Eminem is a candy.

Yo momma so fat that people jumped on her cuz they thought she was a school bus.

I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!

Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...

A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.