I had something about tripping over ice.
Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹
I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.
People thought they were going to another country till they saw terrorists were flying the plane.
Yo mama so dumb, she thought TikTok was an alarm setup.
I thought you played football 'cause you're hairline is receiving.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
Your hairline is so bad people thought you were Vegeta!
I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.
Your forehead is sooo big, NASA thought it was Mars!
I always wonder what girls are thinking about. Maybe balls.
Your momma is so ugly, the director thought she was a real zombie.
Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.
Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.
Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
