Thought jokes

Hey, I asked for a paper, but I thought it was a cut, but it turns out it was tearable.

I just went to India and thought, "Why do they have so many sniper hitmen?" It turns out the red dot isn't a sniper laser.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

The Eagles when they actually thought they were gonna win the Super Bowl. 😹

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

I thought you played football 'cause you're hairline is receiving.

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Your forehead is sooo big, NASA thought it was Mars!

I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.

Your hairline is so bad people thought you were Vegeta!

Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.

Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?

Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.

Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.

I always wonder what girls are thinking about. Maybe balls.

Your momma is so ugly, the director thought she was a real zombie.