This jokes

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

What is the difference between Twitter and this website?

There's no difference.

Like this,

it will give you good luck. See for yourself!

"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.

Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

Could a staff member of this site please block Kimberly Jones?

My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.

This ain't a joke, but the Twin Towers said their favorite number is 911.

I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.

For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.