This jokes

Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...

Man, this walk is really good. Oh wait, you can't.

There are only 2 things I hate in this world:

1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.

Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.

When did Michael say, "This is it"?

2009.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

This is how animals were named.

"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?

"Bison. Perfect."

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!