This jokes

My grandpa said this generation relies too much on tech, so I unplugged his life support.

Could a staff member of this site please block Kimberly Jones?

Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

Panera fed.

Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

What does Panera sleep in?

Panera bed.

I refuse to go bungee jumping. I was brought into this world from broken plastic, and I REFUSE to die the same way.

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."

What do lesbians and turtles have in common?

They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

Like this,

it will give you good luck. See for yourself!

This ain't a joke, but the Twin Towers said their favorite number is 911.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

What is the difference between Twitter and this website?

There's no difference.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

This is a joke in itself.

"Hold my beer, watch this."

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10