This jokes

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.

Like this,

it will give you good luck. See for yourself!

"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common?

They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

What is the difference between Twitter and this website?

There's no difference.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.

“No, it’s curry this time.”

So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the

What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?

We have a case of Witzelsucht.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?