Think jokes

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...

If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.

Yo mama so hairy that the zookeepers called a code red thinking an ape got loose.

Girl: I’m so in love with you!

Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.

Girl: What’s the ijk?

Boy: I’m just kidding.

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

Your mum is so fat, flat earthers think she's round!

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?

Search up biblically accurate angels.

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

If you're born deaf, what language would you think in?

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.