Think jokes
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Why were 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9. Then why was 10 afraid? Because it was between 9/11.
What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? Floor 44 💀💀
What were the terrorist of 9/11 thinking?
We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we'll have to go through it.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?
Me neither. It all came crashing down.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
Some people think incest jokes are funny.
I just think it's all relative.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.