Think Jokes

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "not now."

What did chemical 1 say to chemical 2? I think your over reacting

Think like a proton- stay positive!

I once had an owl hoo-ed think it would fly away?

Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?

“I’m thinking about killing off the main character in this book I’m writing.”

“What type of book is it?”

“An autobiography.”

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Girlfriend:Babe what do yo think of our love? Me:Look at the stars in the sky Girlfriend:aww... it’s infinity right? Me:No,it’s a waste of time. Girlfriend:I’m breaking up with you. Me:Whatever when I take out the trash I think of you

Q: I often times think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

You really can't call starlin bad just think about the kids that depression.

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "fuck the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time