A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.
(Like if you hate feminists.)
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.
The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
