They jokes
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Americans when they think they have the best offensive British jokes: "we threw your tea in the ocean." 💀
British people making offensive jokes about America: "our towers didn’t explode."😎
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.
Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.
Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy".
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."