That jokes
What's a rock band that has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore.
You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."
Harry Potter
Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"
Jumanji
Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
What do you call a train that stalls?
The little engine that couldn't!
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?
smart
kind
sweet
caring
loving
mature
Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.
In our history class we were on our China unit and learning a little about gunpowder.
And I said "WOAH THAT'S LIT!"