That jokes

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.

A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.

«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.

A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

Yo mama is so strict that in The Outsiders, she was Darry.

Yo mama is so evil that Dallas Winston fell in love with her.

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.

What do you call a guy that lies a lot?

The president.

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

Yo Mama is so fat that Nationwide took nine years to get on her side.

Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."

Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.

One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."

"How many men does your wife have?"

What's funny is that I am typing this in the middle of a document... WAIT JENGA!!!!!!!

I just found out that one of the new Star Wars shows is going to be about the time that some malware overloaded all of their computers, and I can tell from the title that those computers use Windows!

It's called "The Bad Batch File!"