That jokes

Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Timmy: *starts crying*

Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.

I have a fish that can breakdance! Only once though, and only for 20 seconds...

What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.

It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.

The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!

What is an orphan's favorite day?

Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.

The fish do nothing. That is definitely a bad joke.

I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.

Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?

One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.

And then Mark came in.

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."