That jokes

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

"Bully," omg, that girl is so ugly.

"Me," Wait, what...ever.

I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

Peter: Curses!

Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Peter: *Crying*

Jacob: Why are you crying?

Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*

I love Alabama. I live there. I have a sign that says, "Sweet Home Alabama!"

What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?

Josef Vasicek.

What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?

Ground beef.

What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?

Ground beef.

Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

Your hairline is so far back that you have four faces to wash every day.

The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

Do they say you are what you eat?

That makes Bulma a VEGETARIAN if u know what I'm SAIYAN.

What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?

Wasted.