That jokes

Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.

The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.

You know when people say a joke about living?

That's because we are all living a joke.

Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.

You're so poor that homeless people feel sorry for you.

What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?

Cantonese...

Why does a blind man still have eyes?

So he can see that he can't see.

They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

I feel sorry that your hairline deployed from war with your forehead.

Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.

A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

The End

Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.

Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.

Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.