That jokes
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
This girl called me cute, and I told her don’t call me that. She says why, I told her, “Bitch, call me the Hokage!”
ble get get get gettttt pull the glock pew pew pew pew pew thats the silencer BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
If you're gay, does that mean you're sexist?
Yo mama is so stupid that she asked how much is a free sample.
Yo mama so fat that your mama so fat, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that your mamas just fat.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
What did the duck say to the drug dealer?
Gimme some of that quack!
Your momma is so fat that she can't even go skinny dipping.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.
I wanted to put this up so I could say goodbye to everyone that I chatted with, like Gwen or MEG... So, yea, see you next year after Friday.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.
Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.
(She's blind and deaf)