That jokes

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

What's the sound that dwarfs make when they have sex?

Broken plates.

Who is white, hairy, and rusty in the tree?

It's Rambo Rabbit with a big gun that was.

Your fay.

Well, you're the thing that sunk the Titanic.

"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."

"Did I do that?"

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?

Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house.

Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.

Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.

What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

In a thick Russian accent:

"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

That doesn't matter, we need to get the best joker to go back to posting here, he was funny but now people say they are him and ruin his good name, he was the top of the charts for over a year, so screw all these chumps! Bring back THE REAL SPECIAL!!!

Also, the chicken dies in the end, ha ha, funny, whatever.

What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?

He found that he had a piece in his sole!

Say, "Crack my fingers."

Now say that backwards...