That jokes

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

Why do orphans hate Geometry?

Because it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.

I know this is a very corny joke.

Orphans are so unwanted that when One Direction saw one, it went the other direction.

Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!

Rob: .....BECKY :3

Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.

She got mad and ate the bus!

Did you know that the "F" in orphan stands for family?

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.

That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.

What's a rock band that has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener!

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

Harry Potter

Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"

Jumanji

Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?

100 dead babies in a trash can.

What is worse than that?

There's a live one at the bottom.

What is worse than that?

It eats its way out.

What is worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.