That jokes

Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!

What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

"That's nacho cheese!"

Yo mama so fat I bet that her fart can clear a room in seconds.

"9/11 people" say that jet fuel cannot melt steel beams.

Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.

Son: That’s too baaaaaad!

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.

Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!

What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.

What do you call a German that is blind? A not-see.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.

Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.

Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.

A: Is that why I never see you sweat?

What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?

Hippo-POT-amus!

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.