That jokes

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.

What do you call a cow that skydives without a parachute?

Ground beef.

Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

Yo mama so small that she tried to hike Mountain Dew.

You know why the Twin Towers were more remembered? A hexagon is more commendable than a pentagon.

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.

What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!

What do you call a person that can't operate a wheelchair?

Stephen Hawking.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?

They cry...

They scream... with joy.

"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."

Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...

I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡