That jokes
That moment when you poop 😂
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
Your mom is so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window, and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down, and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
Don’t stop orphan jokes. They’re funny, and people are just mad that they don’t understand the jokes because they're too STUUUPID.