That jokes

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

Why doesn't Mexico win any medals in the summer Olympics anymore?

Because all the Mexicans that can run, swim, or jump are already here.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?

That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.

Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

I don't beat up midgets.

That would be punching down.

Explain Bear teaches us that explaining the joke makes it a billion times funnier.

What do Israel and Epstein have in common?

"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.