That jokes

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."

As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?

What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.

Nah, North Korea got inspired by the fatman nuke that he also became a fatman with nukes.

"9/11 people" say that jet fuel cannot melt steel beams.

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"