That jokes
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?
What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?
Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
It's always the little things that make us laugh.