That jokes

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?

That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

Nah, I'm Hawaiian but I'm also Japanese. So does that mean I bombed my own harbor?

"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.

It's always the little things that make us laugh.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.

Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Yo mama is so lazy that the only letters she knows are "NO".

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"

"Oh, that was the cat."

"We don't have a cat..."

"Oh..."