That jokes
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
Memes
It's that time of year again. 🎄🎅🤶🎄
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Moas didn't even know that existed!
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
So sad that orphans can't watch Family Feud. 😔
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Pokemon: What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?
Mr. Mime!
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Spare.
You got a spare, spare me an inch of that far juicy cock.
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.